| Observations Only: Return to graciousness |
 September 22, 2011 By Nina Betz, Contributing Columnist |
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 A month ago I opened my mail and found my new social security card. I looked at it in amazement. My mind screamed! No, I’m not sixty-five, how can this be? I’m only forty-five. That’s how old I feel and doesn’t that count the most? Reality sank in as I showed it to my daughter and friends, and my mind drifted back over the cultural changes that have gradually taken place as generally happens when one has suffered a shock. Upon reflection I believe the changes began partly with the rise of Gloria Steinem and the woman’s ‘lib’ movement. There are good things that came from the movement like the opportunity to have a career other than teaching, nursing or secretarial work if a woman wanted something else for herself. No one wants to go back to the days when women were banned from the higher echelons of the business world, medical profession or education. Thanks to Gloria, a woman can work in any field of endeavor she wishes for equal pay and equal status; not a bad thing. However, there was a price to pay when women went out to work. There was no one to mind the children, so daycare became a new industry. Some children were cared for by grandmothers or other family members but soon they wanted to go out to work as well. Some mothers, like myself, looked at the situation and decided they didn’t want to work all day, then come home and work half the night caring for their families. We were scorned and looked down upon by other women. Gradually, men began expecting their wives to work and reluctantly agreed to help out with the housework and child rearing. Unfortunately though, in some households this agreement was soon forgotten. As parents became increasingly busy, the finer points of etiquette and manners became less important with each generation. The rise of the ‘me’ generation of the seventies encouraged a further decline in manners. The right to say and do as one wishes became more important than the rights of the person next to them. Gradually as months became years and years became decades, children matured and raised their own families with more and more relaxed principles of conduct. Behaviors once considered unacceptable became commonplace. Educators and psychologists began teaching the idea that pointing out shameful behavior and expecting it to be corrected was the same as shaming the person, which it is not. The court system became lenient with lawbreakers and made excuses for them, forgetting the plight of the people who were harmed. Speaking to a stranger about inappropriate behavior became unthinkable as well as dangerous. As I mulled over these thoughts, the fireworks debacle became an issue and outraged citizens began writing letters of complaint to the newspapers demanding that city governments do something about it. I thought wistfully about the days of graciousness when everyone used their manners, not just some, and how nice it was. I began to wonder what would happen today if we all thought about our actions and how they might impact someone else, and acted upon those thoughts for the good of others, ahead of ourselves. Think of the accidents that could be avoided if an impaired driver put aside his or her pride and allows themself to be driven home or lets the other driver have the right-of-way even if it isn’t theirs. Our lives would be happier and less stressful because no one would need to clean up other people’s messes. No one would be cranky because an inconsiderate neighbor woke them up at night for any reason. Disgruntled people could use their time for the pursuit of happiness instead of writing letters of complaint. The Gering City Council could tend to important business of the city. Children would learn to respect themselves as well as others by the example set for them by their parents and no one would be subjected to language or behaviors that should be kept within the privacy of the home. All of us would find it easier to wear a smile because the graciousness would become reciprocal over time as each new generation practiced kindness and consideration for others. Graciousness is an old-fashioned word that very badly needs to be practiced in our schools, on street corners, in homes and places of business. Martin Luther King had a dream. A peaceful, kind world in which to live is also a dream that many of us have. |
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